I know I’ve talked about registries before, but now that I’m deeper into the wedding process I wanted to revisit this idea. I will admit, we made a small registry. It had 2 sets of towels, 2 sets of sheets, and some tea supplies. This is because our adorable rats chewed holes in all our linens and I really love tea. We also made a second registry. It’s a donation page for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. Last year my fiance’s dad passed away from complications related to type 1 diabetes and we hope that in lieu of gifts our family and friends will take the opportunity to donate to our cause. We’re minimalists. We don’t want another blender. We want a world where people with type 1 diabetes don’t need daily injections and where their life expectancy isn’t reduced by 10-20 years.
Well, the registry gifts are coming in and guess where people have put their money…
…did you guess?
They bought the towels. In less than a week our entire registry was purchased and yet not one single person has made a donation. I’ll have to admit, I’m somewhat disappointed. I was hoping that our loved ones would donate to a cause that hits too close to home rather than buying the towels. Here’s to hoping things change…
I’m thinking of doing a Friday Rant series. Seeing as I pretty much detest everything related to the Wedding Industrial Complex, I’ve got lots of ammunition. So in honor of today’s post on “I Just Want It To Be Perfect,” I will be ranting about wedding registries.
First, I think wedding registries are outdated. Sure it made sense to register for housewares 60 years ago when people were moving straight from the family home/university dorms/bachelor pad into cohabitation and a shiny new unfurnished house. But please tell me, when was the last time you went to a wedding for people who had never lived on their own. Regardless of whether you have been “living in sin” or not, chances are the parties being wed already have homes with blenders and wine glasses and towels and bedsheets. Why on earth would you need MORE of these things?
So I definitely prefer the idea of a honeymoon fund instead of gifts. Rather than cluttering up the newlywed’s most likely small apartment, why not contribute a lasting memory they might otherwise been unable to afford? Or contributing to saving for a down payment on a house? That’s something practical! I hate giving/receiving gifts where you’re all like, “Oh wow… uh… thanks!” and pretend excited because then everyone just feels crappy. Or writing fake enthusiastic thank you cards. Cash is never a bad gift. Ever. It doesn’t show thoughtlessness, it shows you actually care about what the recipient would want. And you’re not cluttering up their life with unneeded “gifts” they feel like they can’t get rid of without offending you.
As for those detractors of things like Honeyfund or cash gifts (see the God-awful The Knot Etiquette boards), y’all can just f*ck off. If you’re hell-bent on giving a gift out of propriety rather than from a place of caring and unconditional love for your friend/family member/tribal deity/whatever then just DON’T BOTHER. I would rather have nothing than a resentful “I did it because I had to” gift.
Besides, Emily Post doesn’t give a sh*t.